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Conversations

Recently, I happened to be manning a booth in campus for my CCA to sell cards and other items to raise funds. Next to my booth was another group selling food items to raise money for their own community trip to Vietnam. What was interesting about them was that there were 2 guys and a girl seated there, next to each other. In the period I was stationed at my booth, I glanced at them once in a while to see what they were up to. Sometimes,  they were conversing, sometimes they were looking bored, but most of the time they were fixated on their smart phones.

Over the last decade, perhaps no piece of technology has evolved as fast as the normal handphone. I remember just about 10 years ago, I used to own a Motorola Handset that looked quite primitive next to my friends' Nokia Handset which had the ever so popular Snake in it. Before you knew it, handphones started having colour displays, then along came the Motorola Razr that made phones fashionable and stylish and soon enough there was touch screen and eventually, the iPhone. All in the space of 10 years.

These very phones were meant to lead to more human interaction, which it did. But in the process many of us lost the ability to be aware, read and understand the facial expression and the emotions of the ordinary human face. We lost the ability to string a few words together and say them when it was needed of us. Not surprising given that our main point of communication is an LCD screen who requires no talking to. I remember when I left India as a child, there were no handphones there yet. The place I left behind was the reflection of the kampung community spirit, where everyone knew everyone else and everyone talked to everyone else. Then when cheap handsets and computers started flooding the Indian market, things started to change. When I went back, I got the feeling that people were increasingly lost in their own worlds, a world that they entered through their handphones and their computers. Nobody ever really seemed to notice that person next to them.

My case could have been an exception but it is becoming increasingly obvious even here in Singapore of the increasing level of phone fixation and the decreasing levels of face to face talk. Last Saturday, I read an article in Today that beautifully highlighted this issue (http://www.businessweek.com/news/2012-03-01/text-a-little-less-and-think-a-little-more-carter#p1). Still don't believe, try looking around when you are in the MRT or bus.

Then again, what is happening might just be the evolution of an ordinary conversation. But in my opinion, there are certain things a face to face conversation offers that a sms never will. As much as a sms can try, 'haha' and 'lol' will never be accurate representations of how funny I find your joke. All the emotions I can send you via sms can never match what my face looks like at your comment at that point in time.

Then again there is always the poor conversation that is even worse than a sms. One party asks a question and the other party gives a one word answer or an answer that lacks any sincerity. The conversation is shallow and it dies out as soon as it started.

A great conversation has no holds barred. It involves open and honest communication between two parties, an exchange of perspectives and creation of bonds. I can personally attest to the fact that I have made very good and life long friends based on just one great conversation with that person. It takes some courage, but more importantly, it takes some curiosity and some desire to know more about the other person. At the same time there has to be a willingness to share on your part, one reason why I find exchange students extremely interesting to talk to. Most of them displays a warmth and willingness to open up and share when you initiate a conversation with them. Asians usually require some persuasion and getting used to, though it had nothing to do with our race and more to do with fact that we were always told since young to never to talk to strangers.

At the end of the day, I do admit it is ridiculous to ask every person to put down their handphones and start a great conversation. That would never happen.

But just to pay some attention to that person next to you, to just look at and wonder what he or she might be thinking or doing, that can't be too much to ask for, can it?

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