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Notes on Friendships

During my NS, I remember the army loved to measure everyone and everything. Even before you enlisted, all your body measurements were taken, your IQ tested and your suitability for each vocation checked through a series of long tiring tests.Once you enlisted, you had fitness tests, weapon tests, SIT(leadership) test and the list never really ended.

Though, in my opinion, SAF only got it right with a few tests, out of which the most important was also the one that was more of an unofficial measure.

The measure of friendship.

The rule was simple. To see who your true friend was, wait until the whole platoon was going through some real deep shit. Wait until you cannot take it anymore. And then wait and see who would come to help you despite the fact that he was going through the same pain.

And this test always tended to produce some extremely surprising results, at least in my experience. I remember clearly, during a particular training exercise in Taiwan, I was totally drenched and 'waiting' to lay an ambush at night. The temperature fell below 15 degree Celsius. That coupled with a wet uniform, every second was a chilling torture and a regret that I had not spent my life in a more meaningful manner now that I was about to slowly freeze to death.

And in the middle of all that, along came one of my bunk mates, an extremely boisterous fellow who nobody, including me, really trusted, due to his slack attitude towards work and his 'questionable morality'. He came up to me and offered me some fire from the dying flame of his candle and some hot tea from his cup. In the chill that night, I learnt a lesson, a lesson that has stuck till today. And this lesson would repeat itself again when, this time in Brunei, when almost about to faint from carrying the load of a donkey on my back in the jungle, one of my men, who was almost convicted of rape with a minor, would transfer some of my burden to his load.

Friendship is a strange thing. A lot of people, including me, have a tendency to surround ourselves with our good friends. But in actual fact, the depth of true friendship goes beyond talking cock with you or knowing what is your favourite food or what you did yesterday. The people we are closest to, they know more than that. They know what are our dreams, what are our insecurities, what are our secrets and they share theirs with us. It is this sharing that creates the bond, a bond that is more likely to endure through time. These are the friendships that one needs to invest time in, probably even more time than we invest in our everyday academics. Because the way I see it, it is quite easy to make a good friend, but to make a connection on a deeper level with someone, that does not happen very often. Such that when it happens, maintaining it should be one of life's priorities.

Then again, it is really hard to predict if this true friend will remain your true friend in the future. As they say in the army,

"It is only when the shit starts coming, you know who your true friend is"



PS: A friend of send me an interesting article on this topic.It is worth reading. http://singaporeactually.com/2012/01/11/my-terrible-thoughts-about-friendship/

Comments

  1. love this post. and the article u posted. gives more stuff to ponder about.

    but really how about those stepping out to help you isnt really that good a "fren" but more of an empathetic and helpful person? like mayb his nature does not permit him to watch other people suffer.

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