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The Art of Conversation


It usually starts off well. What is your name? Where are you from What are you doing here? How long have you been here? Why did you choose to come here?

And then it hits a brick wall. The awkward silence. Everyone reaches for their drink and takes a long gulp of beer, hoping alcohol will provide some inspiration for the next question. OR they take out their handphone and check their messages, because you know, they are people of significance and nothing justifies physical absence better than busyness. These silences seem to become more apparent and increase in frequency as I grow older. I cannot seem to put a finger to why this happens.

One thing that I have noticed though is a complete lack of curiosity in people, an unwillingness or even a shyness to pose questions. For example, there was once a female friend whom I used to converse via email when she was overseas, conversation where we allowed us to openly speak our minds about everything in life. By the time she got back to Singapore, I had pretty much earmarked her as a potential girlfriend and it was not soon before we went out. However, during these outings, I felt something was missing. It took multiple dates, but I eventually got around to it.

She simply did not ask any questions.

While she had led an eventful and well-travelled life, which she was more than happy to share with me, she did not ask anything back. Me being me, eager to exaggerate my pathetically boring life, would sit there desperately trying to form the next question. All the while hoping she would just ask me, ‘How I was doing?’, a question that never came. Eventually, I figured it was better just to move on from her.

It astounds me why this is happening. Some thinkers point it to growth of smartphones and how that deprives our ability to make a normal conversation with a person. I think it has something to do with one’s upbringing as well, particularly the dinner table. It was at the dinner table where my family was present every night that I unconsciously honed my conversational skills and it has often come as a surprise to me that many families rarely share a meal together on a regular basis. Also, I assume people are often reluctant too to ask the deeper questions, for fear of intruding the other person’s privacy and being rejected. It could also be that one is simply not interested in the people in the conversation. Or maybe culturally people are more silent in Singapore and parts of Europe. As I clearly remember, when I was in India, I would wish that people just shut up.

Which could very likely be what most Germans and Singaporeans think about me.

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