Skip to main content

Parenting and all that


I write this after my sisters' graduation ceremony, a rather ostentatious ceremony considering that the graduation from my own college took place on the last day school and the ceremony was not very different from the usual school assembly. But times have changed, practices have changed and people have changed. 
Around me are all the proud parents of the graduates of this elite institution. When you look at some of them, it is difficult to say to whom this event assumes more significance, to them or their children who are graduating. There are some who are there simply there to fulfil their customary duty as parents but unless I am wrong, most are here because this event signifies not just a milestone in the lives of their children, but in their very own lives. As the principal kicks off the ceremony, listing the names of the elites of the elites and boasting the numerous academic accolades of the students. Names such as Harvard, Cambridge, DSTA, A Star all comes up frequently during his speech and he ends by claiming that a a 'bright future of opportunity awaits this talented group'.

I suppose this is what makes parenting truly satisfying, the proof that your child is succeeding and therefore the proof that you yourself have succeeded in the role as parents. Parenting is all about the emotional satisfaction. Of late, I have had quite a few discourses with my friend, who despite having a girlfriend is strongly against the idea of having kids. His defense is simply this ' Why would anyone ever want to have kids?' 

To be honest, in current times, it is an extremely sound defense. In the past, during the times of the extended family, having many kids ensured that there were extra hands to help the parents at work or in the house and when they became old, the kids would be there to see them through their old age. Now, having kids translates to more work and more stress. And once they reach a certain age, they move out and start their own families. If you consider the whole decision from a rational point of view, it simply does not make sense to have kids anymore.

But humans are more emotional than rational. And despite the numerous difficulties of parenting, they recognise and appreciate the little moments of joy that parenting brings along with it. Either because of that  or because the contraception did not work, they carry on having kids.  Even Ali G the comedian, acknowledged the huge sacrifice parents make for their children during his speech at the  commencement ceremony at Harvard, 

"All you fathers out there, You have made some choices. With that money (the $38000 they sped on their child's tuition fees), you could have bought a top of the range Lexus, but instead you chose to invest in your kids future."

But then he added on right after.

"Are you mental?"

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

An Ode to Marriage

I remember pondering about the need for marriage during a certain period of my life. Partially inspired by stoicism, I saw a man as an island in a big ocean, continuously being battered by the waves and storms, but holding fort and growing strong with each test. It was also when the idea of monasticism greatly appealed to me, to leave behind, for the lack of a better work, the bullshit of society and trying to attain enlightenment.  Somehow that idea fell apart after a brief meditation stint in a monastery, but the idea of marriage I resisted. The freedom that came from being single seemed too precious to let go. Furthermore life was complicated as it is. Why complicate it further by introducing another person to that life, someone who would bring her own mannerisms, rules, habits, many that might end up conflicting with your own. However, a lot of these ideas and beliefs start to die when friends of yours each start getting into their own relationships and have no more time for yo...
Post a Comment
Read more

Sparing the Rod

 She gave me a look of deep displeasure, not very atypical of the look most members of the opposite gender gave me. “You know you can’t do that in Germany?”, she asserted with the same authority my mother used to tell me about not messing around in her kitchen.  “Yes I am aware”, I meekly responded, knowing well that any kind of argument about this would not end well, so it was better to close off the topic quietly and unlike the kitchen, I could not afford to get kicked out of Germany. She was not the first to respond with such hostility to what seemed like the most natural of things in my experience. The last one who told me the same was a teacher I had met at a party. When she sounded shocked that I was ok with it and said it was not right, I (with some alcoholic courage) had retorted, “How would you discipline them then if they do something wrong?” “I would tell them I am very disappointed with them”. I almost laughed. However, that was very much the theory of my new frien...
Post a Comment
Read more

Wework

 "An end of an era", as my colleague aptly put it. It surely felt like it. After almost 3 years of memories, the occupants of the tiny office in Hackesher Markt were to be moved to one of the big, gleaming company offices, like chess pieces in the game of capitalism. After 3 years we would all start on our own ways, an eventuality we all knew was coming, just not on such a short notice. At a corporate level, such a move produced all the right words that provided visibility and hopefully a promotion and an office with a view for someone; strategic resource redistribution, cost optimisation etc etc. Though to the ones parting, that little office was one of the few solaces in this rat race. It had offered friends in the place of politically correct colleagues, it had offered juicy gossip, offered an avenue to let out all the frustration around toxic bosses and meaningless tasks, offered song and laughter at the expense of each other and the neighbors next door. It had offered co...
Post a Comment
Read more