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Affairs of the Heart

Why should I get into a relationship?


The answer was presented concisely in terms of a diagram and resembled the above graph. A single life was a stable and an emotionally dispassionate life that always hovered around the equilibrium, a life slightly elevated by the occasional triumph and slightly troubled by the occasional disappointment (usually due to not being in a relationship). In contrast, the life in a relationship was passionate and full of emotional highs and lows. It was perhaps not for the faint-hearted.

The experience evaded me for years since I was humored by this response that I came across in Quora. Such highs and lows? Will never be the case with me! My girlfriend will be mature and I will be mature and we will live a life of everlasting maturity that will never be troubled by the passion of love.

Or so I thought.

Life has a way of humbling even the proudest human beings, especially the ones so self confident of their abilities. For life has the luxury of time to wait and wait and suddenly throw at him a challenge when he least expects it and in the form he least expects it. His confidence in his knowledge of life, of human character makes him think he is up for this new found challenge that is smiling back at him and he has taken a liking for. If he is not sure about anything, well then, there is always Google and thousands of relationship counselors all across the world to impart their wisdom to him.

But what he does not count on is the extent to which his rational self confidence will be clouded by the wild emotions that accompanies passion. In front of this delicate creature, his rationality flounders. His thoughts, words and actions rarely makes sense. He dreams most of the time and everything else seem to lose his attention. When he is with her, she is all he can think of. When he is without her, she is all he can think off. Every pretty picture, delicious food and interesting story has to be shared with her. The nights seem lonely when it does not end with she being the last person he has talked to. He wants to prove his strength in front of her, but in her presence, he is weak. The messages never seem to be enough and he yearns every moment for the white bleep on his phone. Weekends are no longer empty with the endless cafes he can sit with her and laugh about the countless things he wants to talk to her about. 

Such are the highs.

With attachment comes expectation. Every time, effort and love showered on her is expected to be reciprocated and when it is not, disappointment follows. Time, effort and love is invested less and less to make a point and this decrease is met with decrease, ultimately ending in previously unheard of accusations. The dreams of the good times build up an image of the opposite, an image influenced by the committed, sacrificial mother at home, the passionate lover on television and the demure woman of years past, an image she will never be able to live up to, for she is a woman and not a super woman. But his head is clouded by emotion and he is not thinking straight. As time goes, one feels more inclined to share not just the good stuff, but also the not so good stuff, that may include bitterness, resentment, insecurities, jealousies and complaints about past and present hurt. The presence of these all too human flaws in this once wonderfully pleasant lover takes them by shock. Questions, doubts, arguments, dissatisfaction, disappointment all start to rear their ugly heads. 

Such are the lows.

Some persist, but most perish.

PS : For a brilliant introspection into the millions of failed relationships, recommend this video strongly (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jltM5qYn25w). Google, an alien cyborg like creature whom we have never seen, but trust beyond most of our human relations, recommended it:P

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